Final semester & Epiphanies

If I manage to somehow secure a grant for my dissertation fieldwork to begin this summer, this will be my last semester of classes. Ever. !

Of course, I could take a class here and there after my fieldwork, when I'm back on campus to write up. But those would likely be audited... I'm pretty sure this semester's classes will satisfy my credit hour requirements. If I "take" classes in the future, it will probably be just sitting in on a colleague's course to learn about a new subfield or for pedagogical purposes. It's also quite possible (probably far too likely, in fact) that I won't get any grants from the last cycle of applications, which means I will have to return next semester and resubmit grants. I'm not sure what the credit hour situation will be; I think the funding would be there through a TAship, but for various important benefits (insurance, metro pass) I would need to be a full-time student.

Regardless of what the future may hold, the classes I selected this semester are unusually fitting (so far, and in light of what the syllabi promise). I'm TA'ing a class that matches my regional / thematic research focus very well, Indigenous Peoples and Movements of Latin America -- and I'll get to deliver a lecture on Maya literacy movements in Guatemala. The two classes that I'm taking normally are on Anthropology & Existentialism, which explores the root questions that led to the rise of our discipline and that continue to underlie our investigations today, and a class called Human Nature in Minds and Cultures, which actually approaches a lot of the same questions about identity (what is essential? what is existential?) but from a very, very different perspective grounded in experimental psychology and some slightly more cautious variety of evolutionary psychology. My fourth class, which I'm putting together myself in collaboration with one of my committee members, is tentatively called "The Anthropology of Remembering" or alternately as "Memory, History, Identity." I would combine both titles if I could find a clever way to do it. For this class, I'm basically trying to develop a cross-disciplinary understanding of memory/remembering that will give me a foundation in memory studies -- and a helpful new angle to consider my research (and proposals).

The great thing about all 3 of these classes is that they overlap considerably -- which is doubly wonderful because they're also directly relevant to my research interests. This means that I get to spend my last semester focusing on research development (while calling it "class work".) And at the same time, the reading selections are well outside of the kinds of stuff I have been reading for the past year or so, which means I get to stretch my grey matter in some new or seldom visited directions. In the past two weeks, I've digested the results of psychological experiments that detect the innateness of perceptions of animacy and intentionality (e.g., when we see an object hit another object and set it in motion, do we perceive a motive in this action? Was the initial object operating of its own accord?); had a crash overview of post-Enlightenment German philosophy (and now I'm trying to understand Heidegger. They say his idea is optimistic but I keep seeing nihilism peeking through the door); considered "stone age sociology" and the seriously disappointing limitations of the archaeological record; understood the foundational principles of studies in artificial intelligence just well enough to decide that they're fundamentally flawed, but not well enough to fix them; and revisted (for the third time) funerary canibalism among the Wari' of Brazil. I have also slowly and deliberately made my way through a couple of great edited anthologies on memory - one at the social level, primarily from anthropological perspectives, and the other a review of Sir Frederic Bartlett's contemporary impact on memory studies (mostly individual, but I have a couple of chapters to go and they may engage the individual-to-social transmission question).

The more I delve into this "memory studies" stuff, the more I realize it's pretty darn close to what I envisioned cultural anthropology to be when I first switched over from archaeology. I wanted to understand where ideas are born and how they're communicated and changed. The brief foray into family planning in Thailand was primarily my "fix the world" moment, which naturally failed: there are no easy answers. Population control is an epic failure and a violation of the most basic human rights, while family planning is a fantastic product of rationality and compassion with the potential to allow people to pursue 'modern' consumer lifestyles without sacrificing parenthood. That's basically my thesis, in a nutshell. Perhaps I'll delve into greater detail in a later post -- I have to talk about this stuff to a bunch of strangers this weekend, anyway.

My path from environmental/social policy research in Thailand to alternative knowledge production in Guatemala isn't too hard to explain. The more I read about memory studies (and realize how we re-interpret reality and selectively reconstruct our memories/pasts in order to preserve our sense of self and our vision of our future), the easier it becomes to see the linkages between my past research interests and where I am now. It began with an epiphany. Two epiphanies, actually.

I use the word "epiphany" in two ways: first there's the typical epistemological epiphany, which is probably identical to mainstream uses of the word. These are the epiphanies of sudden comprehension, like the moment when I learned what multiplication and division were (I can still remember it clear as day -- I was sitting with Drew Wilson under one of those triangle-shaped wooden obstacles on the middle school playground. He had learned it from his older brother and tried to explain it to me, and suddenly it just 'clicked' and I understood. Do they still wait until 4th grade to teach this stuff???). I get smaller epistemological epiphanies all the time when I'm learning a new language, and the various parts of grammar 'click' into place. Hurray for order in the universe!

There's also what I call an 'emotional epiphany', which is what happens to you when a statistic becomes a real, recognizable emotive force. I tear up whenever I think about children not receiving toys for their birthday or christmas because I can remember visiting a cousin's house when I was little, and my mom telling me not to tease him for not having many toys because his parents couldn't afford to buy him many. The thought of teasing him hadn't even crossed my mind, but neither had the realization that kids just like me could - and often did - go without toys. Call me a materialist or a slave to consumerism if you want, but I find it deeply unsettling and *sad* for any kid to go without some toys - especially Legos, because you can rebuild them into as many different toys as you can imagine. Whenever I adopted a family from the Angel Tree in undergrad, I would buy the kids Legos instead of army men; they could then build army men or race cards or knights and dragons or robots... :)

Another example of an emotional epiphany was the moment in the Holocaust Museum in DC when I stepped into the room full of shoes...
I had heard murmurs, whispers about this room while waiting in line for a ticket; so I was partly prepared. But when I arrived and walked onto the little bridge...
I think the reason it hit me was because shoes are so mundane. There's nothing beautiful or ceremonial about a pile of shoes. We don't look at them and think of commemorating the dead. Yet the jarring cognitive dissonance of seeing an enormous pile of shoes and realizing that each pair represented a victim... that these dinky old leather shoes are all that remains... that these were human lives, each one a world, full of experience and knowledge and love and imperfection.

Reduced to shoes. Fucking shoes.


...


Walking over those piles of shoes made the Holocaust real and meaningful for me in a way that no film or story or historical facts had ever done.* The shoes - in all their mundane, material concreteness - turned the statistics into lives. That emotional epiphany left me a total wreck for about twenty minutes as I bumbled around in the corners of the last exhibition room before stepping back out into the wide, open entrance to meet the rest of my party. Even now I'm surprised at how strongly I react to the memory... gods, how can we kill innocents so readily?

*In retrospect, the stories and historical 'facts' were certainly necessary for the particular trigger to have any effect. Any artifact without context is virtually meaningless; it has no value apart from intrinsic material. Context is what separates the Holocaust exhibit from the shoe rack by the front door.


Hmm...well, as I said, there were two epiphanies that led me from Thailand to Guatemala. But I think I've written enough for one post. I'm feeling drained now... it will be good to sleep.
The only line from the Bard I've ever particularly cared for:

"Sleep that knits up the raveled sleeve of care, the death of each day's life, sore labor's bath, balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, chief nourisher in life's feast."

Amen.

Stay tuned for the story of the two epiphanies, as well as various kitchen productions from the past week :)

New (re)solutions for a new year

A few days into 2009, while visiting Kati in Michigan, I decided on my resolutions for 2009. There were several important differences in the 2009 resolution-making process, compared to historical precedents. Typically I've either resolved to (a) stop biting my nails, (b) hide my shyness around girls, or (c) get "fit." These have all invariably failed. My finger nails are *only* safe for the 2-3 months each summer that I'm in Guatemala (where my hands never feel clean enough for me to stick them in my mouth -- funny how my consciousness kicks in to preserve my health but not my nails' appearance). I'm still shy, even around Kati sometimes -- it's just my personality, I suppose. And 2008 was definitely a less active year than... pretty much any year before it. While I started off with plans to work out 2-3 times a week and play racquetball and yadda yadda... I ended up glued to my desk chair working on proposals for most of the year. Proposals are the devil.

While fitness plays a role in my 2009 catalog of resolutions, it's actually a minor addition alongside more important subtractions. I'm giving up caffeine, specifically as a routine part of my daily diet. I plan to reserve caffeinated coffee, etc., for times when I really need it -- like finals week, or one of those days when I have a lot of work to do and just don't feel energetic enough to get through it. Those are the times when caffeine reveals its beautiful, divine nature. Mmm, sweet coffee, nectar of life.
But drinking caffeinated coffee every day, in every cuppa joe -- that's just overkill. Sacrilegious, one might say. And I'm pretty sure that caffeine + stressful workloads = Doc's failing memory :P So I'm detoxing, going cold turkey for a few weeks, and refraining from buying any caffeinated coffee for home. If I need it as a pick-me-up, I'll buy it one cup at a time elsewhere (which incidentally ensures that I won't enjoy it as much as when I brew it at home). However the idea is to eliminate caffeine as an *element of my diet*, and reserve it only for very special occasions.

Similarly, I'm all but returning to my teetotaler days: for 2009, I'm adopting a one-drink minimum & maximum policy. In some contexts, this will actually be an increase -- as in all the times my cohort buddies invite me out but I decline because of a stack of work on my desk. In others, such as Joe's parties, it will be a definite decrease. :) This resolution was borne from my realization that I don't actually enjoy intoxication; I get most of the pleasure from being around my friends when they're having a good time. Drinking itself usually gives me mild heartburn (and makes me crave caffeine), and it greatly dulls my senses -- so what's the point? Still, it's important to be social and all. :)

As for fitness, I'm not going to try and set a quota of hours to meet or anything like that. Rather, I've resolved to find activities that I enjoy doing that just happen to get my heart rate up. The fact is, I hate running and always will -- but if I can find another exercise that I actually *enjoy*, then there's a greater chance I'll do it with enough regularity to ensure that I live to see 40. :P So far, based on one trip to the fitness center in my apartment complex, I can conclude that running on a treadmill is more enjoyable for me. I appreciate the controlled environment, particularly the absence of cold air that would burn my respiratory system. Ugh. I think I'll enjoy the cycling machine too, if I can get it to work properly and give me some resistance. It's too bad we don't have a rowing machine. I think I nearly killed myself on the one at Millsaps -- I got so focused on how many knots I was pulling, I didn't realize what a vigorous workout it was. It's also nice to have more upper-body conditioning from a workout other than weightlifting, which makes me feel vain and pathetic. If we have to go out of our way to arbitrarily lift weights to build showy muscles, what purpose do the muscles have, aside from aesthetics? I think I'd be better off finding a sport I enjoy. Something a bit more active than chasing / wrestling with Szasz -- though gods know he needs to exercise too, the little meow mix vacuum.

Apart from the differences in content of my 2009 (re)solutions for better living, there has been a most important difference in the context of their origin. I think we often fail in our resolutions because January 1 is pretty much identical to December 31, and we immediately fall back into our routines. But I spent the first 9 days of the new year visiting a friend, more fully immersed in her Lebenswelt than falling back into my own. Instead of my usual routine of sleeping in, drinking a big cup of coffee, spending 1 1/2 hours reading news websites and then squandering most of the day on half-assed attempts to read or write, I woke up far earlier (most days) than I would have liked, and because Kati has a real *house*, I got to help out with the sorts of activities that we apartment-dwellers miss out on. I also learned a lot of new recipes and cooking techniques, and was introduced to some ingredients that I've shied away from in the past -- lots of brans and oats and organic things :) It's safe to say that starting the new year in a different place, experiencing other ways of doing some things, was a positive influence for making and keeping to my resolutions.

In the spirit of renewed experimentation with food, I checked out the Golden Grocer near my apartment. Their website isn't so hot, but it's your typical local food co-op sort of place, with organic products and veggie and vegan stuff. Most importantly, they have a more complete set of bulk bin ingredients than Dierberg's, and they're obviously much more convenient for me to get to. Rice and other grains, couscous, nuts, etc. They also have big jars of herbs and loose leaf teas that you can scoop into for much lower prices than buying herbs individually. I bought some 'Get Smart' tea, another item in my quest for staving off senility, and a big tub of delicious Brown Cow Maple syrup yogurt, the best stuff ever. I also bought a 10-grain bread mix, to try my hand at baking bread at home without any fancy equipment -- just two hands and an electric oven (which I still prefer for baking. You can keep your gas!)

Here's what my beautiful loaf looked like after 3+ hours of rising in various positions, just before I put her in the oven:


I forgot to take a picture when it was fresh out of the oven, but here's what it looked like after I'd already devoured half :

Mmm :) It's good stuff! I added a couple of tablespoons of honey to the dough, to give it a little touch of sweetness. It was perfect -- though I think next time I may try it with maple syrup (I know, I should give it a rest, but it's sooooo good. Try it in your coffee!)

In case you'd like to try it yourself, here's the manufacturer's link: http://www.bobsredmill.com/product.php?productid=3754
Of course, you could make bread from scratch without a " mix," but seeing how I only have 3 kinds of flour on hand in my pantry, and no yeast (the mix comes with a packet), this was a MUCH cheaper option for the short run :)

Well, I have 3 more list items to accomplish before I can go to bed, and I have to wake up early enough tomorrow to make it to the Meso lab for an inauguration viewing party. So I'll end this post and save some early impressions of classes for next time.

Szasz says good night:

2 can chili + sexy green beans

It seems like every time I step into the kitchen to fix a quick bite to eat, I end up looking around an hour later and wondering how I got 3 pots of food cooking and another dish in the oven.
I decided it was time to clean out the fridge, since most of the veggies I cooked on Saturday had chicken broth in them -- and I didn't want to poison myself with old chicken broth (I'm not as brave as some people ;)). I also grabbed some leeks and red bell peppers and green beans left over from market day and decided to cook them as well. Now the only thing left to use up is my last bunch of collard greens. I have some chicken sausage to eat with those... maybe for lunch tomorrow!

On with the show... here are some pics of my latest food creations:

I sauteed some yummy leeks with fresh garlic in a mix of olive and grapeseed oil with a little smidgen of butter. The smell was fantastic! I let these cook for about 8 minutes, long enough for the leeks to start browning.

Then I tossed in some fresh green beans and let them sizzle on top of the bed of sauteed leeks and garlic. The recipe called for fresh dill as well, but I don't keep dill on hand. (I may stock up on that and several other herbs, now that I've discovered the convenient herb bins at my neighborhood food co-op.)

The finished product:

A fresh green side with some crunch and plenty of flavor, which I ended up eating alongside couscous and hummus for lunch and dinner throughout the week.

I also wanted to use up some 'chicken breakfast sausage links' that I bought at Trader Joe's. I was quite disappointed in these things and won't be buying them again -- they taste exactly like bologna, and have an unappealing pink-ish color that doesn't improve when you cook them. I would recommend sticking with Trader Joe's own branded sausage and stay away from these -- they were produced by some other company, but are sold right next to the TJ stuff.

I decided to make some chili with the links, so I could try to cover up their bologna-like taste with strong flavors like chipotle powder and cilantro. After chopping them up in my measly little 1 cup food processor (yeah, I need to invest in a real cuisinart one of these days), I attempted to brown the sausage in the oil that was left in the pan from my green bean dish. No luck -- I think this 'sausage' is impervious to browning, burning, or any other strategy for improving its texture/flavor/appearance. It's one of the sketchiest things I've ever brought home from TJ's.

After "cooking" the sausage for a few minutes with no apparent results, I tossed in a can of rotel and a can of black beans, hence my "2 can chili":


I suppose it wasn't a total disaster, given the quality of my starting ingredients. But the second half of this chili is still in a container on the bottom shelf of my fridge, 4 days later, and I have no plans to eat it. :P I should toss it out in the morning. The taste wasn't too bad, but the sodium content made me feel like a balloon. I don't eat a lot of salt :P

One last photo, just because I love the color of fresh roasted bell pepper (hot out of the toaster oven!). I ate these along with my green beans and couscous and hummus, etc.:

The real culinary highlight of my week came after a quick visit to the Golden Grocer, a coop-esque 'natural foods market' that just happens to be the closest grocery store to my apartment. I'll save that adventure for a post tomorrow, along with my first impressions of my classes this semester. Suffice it to say I will either find enlightenment or go crazy, after 14-16 weeks of examining the human condition from so many different angles.

By way of closing, here are photos of my assistant chef helping me sort through the ingredients:

Deadlines, schmedlines

So I have learned a lot about myself in the past couple of days. And even more about NSF bureaucracy, which they have successfully ported over to their online incarnation via FastLane. Or perhaps the issue lies with our local research office, which expects/demands to review everything before we submit it to Washington. Suffice it to say, one needs more than a week to prepare an NSF proposal, regardless of the readiness of the proposal narrative itself.

Mostly what I've learned is that I'm tired of packaging myself and my research to try and sell it to anonymous strangers. I'm looking forward to spending the rest of the semester concentrating on my classes -- all of which, for the first time in the history of the universe, happen to correspond to some element of my project. I'm *craving* the opportunity to add new theoretical pieces to the picture, and some of the works I'm reading this semester promise to help me do that. After tomorrow, I'll be done with proposals until April-ish when the Wenner-Gren returns. Then I'll have a frantic 36-hour period to revise and resubmit it, if the experiences of my elder-peers over the past 2 years tells me anything.

I *do* have to prepare a proposal to defend before the faculty committee this semester. I plan to use my abortive NSF attempt as the starting point. I have already outlined a lot of great improvements to incorporate -- tightening the links between theory and methods, and explaining the 'broader impacts' of my research. Right now I'm working on an altogether different grant that basically focuses only on the broader impacts of my research, and how it applies to development. It's interesting to approach my project from this perspective -- I hadn't realized before just how "applied" my anthropology may be. Hmm...

I should get back to writing. It will be nice to take a break from all of this proposing for a while, and return to "just" coursework for a few weeks.

Some productive deadlines I'm setting for myself over the weekend: update my CV and create a 'professional website' version, outline the first week of my do-it-yourself readings course, and identify suitable inauguration festivities for myself and interested parties. Also, blog about my new year's resolutions and why this year they may actually stick.

Granola!

I have decided to return to blogging. Apparently I have too much free time on my hands, considering I can't seem to keep up with my work regardless of how much time I spend on it. So why not spend a bit less, and channel some of that energy into this instead?

My other great time sink: cooking. So I will probably focus on my culinary experiments here. Today's post: homemade granola! I just made my first batch of granola at home (excluding a prior batch I made at Kati's). It's maple- and cinnamon-flavored and delicious.

The bulk of the oats are "quick" oats, the thinner, smaller variety that you typically get in oatmeal canisters. There are also some thick oats tossed in to provide more crunch...

In addition to oats, I added chopped pecans, slivered almonds, shredded coconut, and pepitas. For sweetness, I poured in some maple syrup (nectar of the gods!) and added a dash of cinnamon.

I plan to add my fresh new granola to yogurt, also sweetened by maple syrup, for a quick breakfast on all these mornings when I'll have to wake up early (8 am) to get to campus for classes. Like tomorrow. On that note, I should get to bed!